Effervescent Anthrax

[Effervescent Anthrax]

Intraibi Mundus ad Dei/The Book Of Job/Writing Thing No. 2

“Shall a faultfinder contend with the Almighty? He who argues with God, let him—”

“Did you not slaughter my family like lambs?

Have you not murdered my men like cattle?

My friends spoke in abstraction that you deem imperfect, but is this not further abstraction?

I am not to be the axle upon which this world spins, and yet this you have made so.

I am not a symbol,

I am not an argument,

I am not a justification,

I am a man. Nothing more, nothing less.”

Job beheld God, standing in the midst of the whirlwind. He stared blankly back.

“I’m God, jackass. My way or the highway.”

[Effervescent Anthrax]

Writing thing

And even months after the breakup, I can only remember a moment in which I struggled to establish a single boundary, when I said that I thought we were imposing ourselves on each other and those around us, making our friends uncomfortable and she said “no, we don’t,” it terrified me in a way that I still can’t fully describe. A momentary beam of light had only shown how dark and vacuous the cavity was. Vinelike movements were causing awkward stares, shifty glances, leanings away, I know they were. And anyway, I was uncomfortable. Why did doing that feel like trying to contain an ocean? Why isn’t “discomfort” enough of a reason to establish this? Please, this is my first time. Be gentle.

“No, we didn’t.” And the floor opened up, and I fell into hell, and here, as this woman expressed a desire to touch me, I had never felt more isolated and alone.